Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
