why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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