You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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