Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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