Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
