You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
