my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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