he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
