I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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