He uses pillows to masturbate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i think i just lost a toe
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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