I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Blood and glitter go together right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
