The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
