Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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