thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
