So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
