i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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