4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
