Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
