i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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