i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
