I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
