only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
