You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
