just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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