i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
