I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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