it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
