we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
