Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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