You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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