Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
