new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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