so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
