Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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