waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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