Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
