the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
