yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
