OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
