oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
