You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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