after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
