I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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