I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
