I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
