i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
