Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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