Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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