Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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