awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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