I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
