i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
