Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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