shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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