Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Welp...herpes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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