Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
