my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
