Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
