she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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