You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
