The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
