honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
