..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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