giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
