We got so high we made milksteak
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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