Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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