best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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