oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
